The Great Hiatus Pt I.
Where did we go?
It’s been a beautiful and incredibly painful sabbatical. Sure, you’ve got your own problems too, but you clicked on this so it’s kinda my turf at the moment. I’m exercising my literary leverage.
I’ve been working out the kinks in the emotional department, praying, focusing, plotting, praying, planning, praying…
To sum up the Annagail hiatus in the briefest of terms: We (and especially I) had a major revelation of Ecclesiastical proportions and a subsequent breakdown at the crux of passion meeting ambition and being trumped by spiritual fulfillment. The first two, through arithmetic fueled gymnastics of the heart, never resulted in the latter and truthfully that’s all we were after. We never had smoke and pyro, but the magic had fizzled in a profound way. The harder we pursued it was proportional to how much further away it always seemed. The constant frustration, obstacles and tactics of the crouching lion/hidden Satan, that is relentless in silencing our voice, crumpled us. Your’s too. Maybe he has already. Unless you fight back, it won’t matter. We’re reconnecting gently and hesitantly.
Nashville came calling and landed on our island after we stopped all attempts at waving our hands to be rescued. I’ll get into this more later. That is a big proverbial can to open here. Suffice to say that we reached the point where music, when making it, was still glorious, but the pursuit of the career element was draining us. We’ve never been it for the big money. That is fading by the megabyte anyway. Stability yes, but that was becoming expensive to chase too. Bob Lefsetz accurately says a true artist can’t think about the money before they create. You’re not a true artist if you do. Well, we only were from the standpoint of paying the mortgage and feeding our kids. Noble at best. So…at the peak of concerts, creativity and showcase opportunities…
We laid it down.
2 1/2 years went by. The loudest crickets you ever heard… The calluses went away, the rehearsal room became a reading room. …which was too painful and memory laden to be in, so we didn’t read in there either. Skip the grizzly deets.
The new season of music is now so rooted in the amazing support of community and relationships that it doesn’t feel like performing. Its just being together. The worship element isn’t hindered by the glass ceilings and done with one eye open. The community lends just as much voice to the music as anyone. It’s just noise until it finds someplace to resound in. Music is a tough business, just like any I suppose. I’ve heard music described as the ‘opposite’ of business. Funny in an artsy way. Sad and true in a commerce sorta way. But regardless, throwing your feelings and praise out there to a new crowd of faces always has that split second moment where you’re just not quite sure what might happen. God bless ya if you headline everywhere you play. I’m just blessed and grateful to be able to play and have some folks listen. A community that loves and supports. I really don’t mean for that to sound as sappy as it probably does. Blogging either makes the thought process seem incredibly, deceptively clear or makes you unable to detect the cheese factor. I’m not sure which applies here…
But the feeling you get when you see someone’s foot tapping, even if the rest of the folks seem largely distracted, that can carry you and make a great moment. You can imagine when someone sings along! The Holy Spirit doesn’t need much, if any help. Lots can be affected in an open heart through the conduit of a tapping foot. So thank you to all who have come and listened over the years. If you left humming or it caused you to think, re-evaluate, or even step slightly out of a comfort zone, then our work paid off.
Some artists feel lousy when a venue only has 25,000 people who opted to come hear them instead of the usual 30,000. I guess I don’t have too much to worry about when I just need a tapping foot.
-jared
